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Because shit, there are none sometimes. Money:
it grates like asphalt, the fat tumor
of bills dangling off you like a sibling. Me, me,

me. It reminds you of its existence, throws
a temper when it ain't getting paid and you think
fuck. Friday nights at the theater--tossed aside

as a lover, or the latest copy of Hustler,
whichever side ails you. You'd rather sleep,
perhaps, or let the nasty rat of despair

squirrel around a bit--see if it finds the end
in the convoluted maze of your mind.
It's decision day, most days, every day.

Today. Tomorrow. Even yesterday you contemplate
whether it was the right decision. Like a fiancé,
it keeps posing the question. A bird ricochets

off clean glass, a hare investigates the hard,
black river of the road at the wrong time--
becomes a tick in some asshole's roadkill chart

--and it's easy to think that it's happening
all the time, quick as rain, the reservoir
close to bursting. Close, but doesn't.
:dead:

Inspired by `queenhrosie's poem: [link]

Some quick ideas in this poem. I'll probably expand on them later on.
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:iconsaiun:
saiun Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
An interesting portrait of despair. One negative thought feeding off of another. Was it intentional that "the convoluted maze of your mind" is at the very heart of this work?
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Actually, no. It's interesting how things work out that way, though!

Thanks for the comment.
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:iconmymidnightlove:
MyMidnightLove Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2009
I was a little lost reading through it, I felt like it wasn't entirely making sense because the style is coarser than what you usually write(I think?) and it's not as subtle or laced with soft imagery, but that ending summed it all perfectly. In that one line, you re-wrote the whole poem into the genius things you usually write. It was really great.
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:iconvirgokitten:
virgokitten Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2009
Kickass way to start the poem off. I had to even mention this on twitter (sorry, I am a net nerd). [link]

"It's decision day, most days, every day."

Lines like this are the things that get quoted and stick around for generations. It seems so simple, but you know there's much more to it.
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Hehehe. Thanks!

"That my roommates were as equally neurotic about cleaning as I am, so I could not want to hang myself every time I see my kitchen."

I sympathize immensely! I had to deal with this myself for a short time. It was absolutely terrible...
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:iconalecbell:
AlecBell Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2009
The strongly negative tone is at odds with the energy of the poem, though the two seem to fuse in the road kill imagery.

(It might be that a further exploration of these thems could best be undertaken in another poem.)
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:iconolobocanta:
OLoboCanta Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
this is really good :)

i think when you talk about the "nasty rat of despair", you might want to choose another verb besides "squirrel"... the rodents start getting mixed up in my head. haha

also, some words of advice...just in case:
"Sometimes it's a good day to die, and sometimes it's a good day to have breakfast."
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:iconhermionegreen:
hermionegreen Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2009
"a hare investigates the hard, black river of the road at the wrong time" -- absolutely love this!
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:iconcibbwin:
Cibbwin Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Very cynical, but I still get a sense of of hope from this.

Hmm... maybe not hope, but definitley empathy. Great work. :D
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:iconmoondrunk:
moondrunk Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009   Writer
"Like a fiancé,
it keeps posing the question."

that's hip-hop right there
are you flowin'?
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:iconbeigegray:
beigegray Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009
A bird ricochets

off clean glass, a hare investigates the hard,
black river of the road at the wrong time--


&


quick as rain, the reservoir
close to bursting. Close, but doesn't.


:heart:
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009   Writer
the first & second stanzas
are particularly great
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:icondemonshuriken87:
DemonShuriken87 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the end and the idea behind this. I also like the technique you used to break up the stanza's. Very disjointed and confusing, while at the same time fluid and almost like prose broken down into a rhythm. Very nice visuals in this as well. I particularly like the road kill symbolism, and the way you described the road as a river of black was quite good. Definite fav.

The only thing you might work on is solidifying it. Right now it rambles a bit, which can be both good and bad. I can tell you were a little rushed, were putting ideas onto paper. This can and will be very, very good when refined. The only thing I can offer is to just reel in some of the visuals, think more on what certain things are saying. There isn't any particular example, it just felt frenetic.
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the feedback. :thumbsup:
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:iconpseudometry:
pseudometry Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009   Writer
I like how this captures the ambivalence of life, how inexorable all the worst and most grey, drab experiences are. Makes you question the point of doing anything, but then maybe the point is to examine, to learn different responses and make something worthwhile of your suffering? This piece is nicely stimulating.
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:iconb1gfan:
b1gfan Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009  Student Writer
That's the most lyrical expose on the ennui of ennui I've read in months William :D I enjoyed every word!
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:icontheobviouschild:
TheObviousChild Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
This phrase is becoming a theme with you!: "like a sibling" -- I think this is the third poem of yours I've seen it in; beware! Particularly since you blatantly STOLE it from my 'Ode to a Typewriter' poem as we already established! :P

Otherwise, I love this. I love the idea. I may write my own version. It probably won't be as good.

Linked on ONS!!
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:iconmoondrunk:
moondrunk Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009   Writer
yep, i PARTICULARLY liked that one :matteo:
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, and I demand to see your version. NOW!

If you need a bribe, here are some cookies: :cookie::cookie:
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:icontheobviouschild:
TheObviousChild Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009
Ack, I'm going through such a dry spell right now (handed in my MSc portfolio of 39 pages of poetry -- aaaaah! -- yesterday, so I've been doing nothing but editing for weeks) that I'd love to see me writing ANYTHING right now! I'll do my best though, maybe this will be the inspiration to get me going again!

:heart:
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I know, I know! I was like "Ahahaha! Siblings again!" when I wrote this. I couldn't think of anything else; perhaps after I let it sit for a bit. Sometimes better ideas grow out of the original draft after letting it sit for awhile -- like dough.

Thanks! :cookie:
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:icontheobviouschild:
TheObviousChild Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009
Whenever I become aware of using a particular word or phrase over and over (happens a lot -- putting together my portfolio I realised how much I love "fist" of all words, "kindling", "seed" and "ink"), I exorcise it from my vocabulary immediately! It's really hard, denying yourself a word, but if it's becoming a trend that YOU'RE noticing then other people will notice too. It's also usually a sign for me that I am writing too many poems with the same mood or on the same subject and I need to get out of that comfort zone and challenge myself a bit. I know it's not necessarily the same for you but I always think "right, time to read some new poets, try something different." That never does any harm!

:heart:
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I've noticed "seed" a few times in your writing, but that's about it so far.

Word-bans can be quite fun, though. It's definitely challenging. There are a few other words I ought to ban for awhile. I'm terrible at mentioning the sky too much.

And speaking of new poets, I just discovered Jon Davis with his book "Dangerous Amusements." Tried to find some poems online to link you to, but he's mostly found in print mags. :ohnoes: What are your recent finds?
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:icongaioumonbatou:
GaioumonBatou Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
It's definitely been one of those years. :/ I hope things improve for you, Will, and remind me to come back to this. I think I might have a lot to say, but right now I can't. :/
Reply
:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, it's just a bunch of ideas right now.
Reply
:iconsadisticicecream:
SadisticIceCream Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009   Writer
You make life's suckage sound so eloquent. =p

But there are days when I definitely feel like this; I just hope it doesn't become the story of my life.

Also, I don't know if it's because I'm sick and my mind is slow, but I didn't quite understand the significance of these lines:

...Friday nights at the theater--tossed aside

as a lover, or the latest copy of Hustler,
whichever side ails you.


particularly the theater bit. Perhaps something to expand on when you come back to it?
Reply
:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I've been wanting to expand that part. I was trying to say that certain things in life are no longer enjoyed as much, hence the "You'd rather sleep" part afterward.
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:iconvito-toni-costello:
vito-toni-costello Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Student Writer
This has some incredible imagery in. :clap:
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:iconseussical-love:
seussical-love Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
But someday it will, I bet.
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:dead:
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