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Great Prose and Poetry by leyghan

Literary Candy by Alex0Jericho


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Submitted on
March 17, 2011
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not the words themselves, but how
they wind around each other
like grapevines along a chain-link fence.
I know how it's done: the curt, argus-eyed
hellos to passersby, the courtesy questions
over the phone to keep the conversation
moving, like turning the page of a bad book.
I understand practicality. I understand
the emollient coos, infant-speech;
the harsh backhand bark against
your acerbity; the weeping tongue.
As does the world--even a child
can shed his natural-born cruelty
for a moment of understanding, the precursor
of compassion that can build men.

But it is this I have forgotten:
its ascension not unlike a god,
how to ease them together
into such an immaculateness that one word,
one feather removed would mean
the hard, dark earth, or the cold, bitter slap
of the sea. It is a sort of death
that goes quietly, a third-world death.
To think I had something amidst my grip,
that I could reach into the good light
of each morning, my footfalls
avoiding the crow-footed cracks
of the sidewalk, and down to the neighbor's
fenced off yard, snag an eye-sized grape,

and know its sweet juice would inspire.
La de da de da.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I really enjoyed this poem, but I do agree with a few of *Yvning's comments regarding the second stanza. You lost me in some of the lines, particularly that "a third-world death." That line has several different connotations to my mind and none of them are made clear in the poem.

Also, I think that I'd use a semi-colon or possibly a dash instead of a comma between the second and third lines of the second stanza. Your comma use is actually quite heavy throughout this poem and I'd go through and trim out or change some of them where you think it possible.

I am most thoroughly impressed with the last four lines of the first stanza though. That idea will stay with me for a long time, and I think it may be one of the most profound things I've read from you yet. :+favlove:
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:icontwistedalyx:
TwistedAlyx Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I especially love the opening. :heart:
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:iconb1gfan:
b1gfan Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011  Student Writer
I too have forgotten, and remembered, and forgotten...and everything about this poem makes me want to remember again :) And that is a lot more than a la de da!
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I miss your poetry gracing my screen. Hop to it, man! :)
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:iconrockerbybaby:
RockerByBaby Featured By Owner Mar 30, 2011
This is one of those I want to fave before hitting the core of the piece. Keep this up=)
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:iconoritpetra:
OritPetra Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011   Writer
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Much appreciated! :cookie:
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:iconoritpetra:
OritPetra Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011   Writer
I'd love to give you something substantial on this, but I really think it hits me in a place that just isn't going to let me do that. Powerful. :heart:
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:iconwolf-kin:
Wolf-kin Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2011  Professional Traditional Artist
I love that I can follow the line of your poem and get lost in the pictures at the same time . . . I really do.

It all feels familiar and aching to me.
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:iconfllnthblnk:
fllnthblnk Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Hey, thanks! Familiar and aching, eh? What makes you say that?
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